Health Is Your Worst Enemy: 5 Ways To Defeat It

The expression “your own worst enemy” is spoken so frequently that it has become a familiar cliché with no real effect. Yet the truths underlying it — the reasons we ‘re tougher on ourselves than someone else — have not gone anywhere. In fact, as parents and partners, we seem to be much harder on ourselves than others should have been.

“It’s very normal to be unreasonably harsh on oneself,” says Dr. Oksana Hagerty, an instructional and therapeutic psychologist, “At the end of the day, self-management is one of the most daunting ways of management—with all the complexities of working with another, exacerbated by the absence of unbiased feedback. As a result, like in business settings, we often shift to ‘managing through abundance.

So what are we going to do to crack the cycle of self-punishment for our failures, whether true or imagined? It’s about taking action to interrupt the cycle before it begins again. Here ‘s precisely what you need to know.

Take Care of Your Needs First

That kind of thought may run counter to the instincts of many husbands and mothers, who tend to put the needs of others above their own. Nevertheless, Scott Allen, a licensed mental health counselor and psychotherapist in South Florida, believes it is best to follow the often-repeated method of wearing your own oxygen mask in front of others in an air emergency.

“If you don’t put on your breathing mask first, you won’t be able to bring breathable air to your child if the plane goes down. The same goes with physical and emotional well-being. Arrange time with relaxation and physical fitness. Give yourself some well-deserved ‘dad’ time to reset.”

Measure Your Performance

In good times and bad, it’s important to take a minute and look at what you’ve done right and wrong, and to remind yourself that, more frequently than not, the scales tip in a positive direction. It would make it a lot harder to strike yourself the next time you drop the ball. “Reporting and reflecting on any outcome would eventually ‘pick’ every accomplishment that can, among other items, set new ‘degrees of freedom’ for you,” says Hagerty.

“Saying, ‘Yeah, I know I didn’t do well here, but I did X, Y, and Z,’ is the way to break the stress-induced ‘tunnel vision’ that blocks all but the issue and aligns the strength required to move on with confidence and joy.

Accept That You’re Imperfect

Thanks to outdated ideas and a lot of stubbornness, many people seem to be trying to make something happen to everyone, particularly their families. We want to give them the best we can, and (hopefully) more than they have. Nevertheless the road to success is full of uncertainty and fear.

Allen said you need to realize that you’re not alone in trying to be everything you ‘re meant to be. “Never lose the chance to recognize your shortcomings and beliefs. Be bold enough to allow your children to experience shame by intimate conversations about your integrity and humility; thank you for that in the future.”

Change Your Perspective

Your thoughts, your inner chastisement, can also become so loud and so daunting that they begin to sound like the reality. You ‘re persuading yourself that you’re a failure because you’ve been late to your daughter’s recital. You blame yourself for being a bad guy, because one night you forgot to take out the trash. Most often than not, though, these emotions are not a reflection of the actual case.

“Talk about how much the choices you’ve taken in the past have resulted in the worst-case scenario, and how the stuff you ‘re upset about now will matter in a year from now,” says Dr. Roxy Zarrabi, Psy. A licensed clinical psychologist, D. “If your inner voice gets loud, your point of view becomes constrained and these questions will serve to allow you a wider viewpoint in the current moment.”

Forgive Yourself

No matter how hard you try to be Superdad, you’re going to fall short of that. Not measuring up to the expectations as a parent can be a difficult pill to take, leading to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Don’t blame yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, think of what you’ve done right, and excuse yourself for the times you ‘re going to be poor.

“Sad self-talk, guilt, and humiliation are snags that most dads are dealing with on a regular basis,” says Allen. “Remember, you ‘re worth making an effort to reflect on your personal wellbeing, and your children are worth it.”